13 comments

  1. kgonzale

    I enjoyed the story and the way that it was written. I wish that there were some reflection of the imaginary setting in the game through pictures or a change in text font or color. It could be a simple drawing of a sword or as complicated as an increasing amount of blood building up on the grass. I think doing this will help transport the players into the world better.

  2. Annie

    I loved that your story is circular and it does make sense to start over and make new decisions when your character dies. But I do agree that the story will be even more intriguing if there are visual representations as well.

  3. Toby Donoghue

    I wish you had changed up the format from the default twine settings even just a little bit because we are all familiar with those default settings and personalization could have definitely contributed to a more polished look. Especially your piece being somewhat of a period piece, i think fonts and graphics would be a great addition. also it didnt really matter what we chose to initially fight for because at one point they all converge to the same passage and you can choose from there a pretty similar story line as any character you had played before.

  4. hepstein

    I feel like I’ve seen all of these scenes in Game of Thrones of World of Warcraft, the result being that the presence of a new author is completely lacking. The use of reincarnation bringing you back to the beginning of the game feels gimmicky.

  5. rlawanta

    Personally, I liked that you kept the default look of the story. I think it suits the imagery of reincarnation well. The looping elements also create a sense of desperation and hopelessness, which is what i assume you tried to capture. In my opinion, the exclusion of pictures works well with this story.

  6. Shannon

    I really enjoyed your game! I disagree in that I liked the choice of what to fight for, because it immediately gave me a connection with my character. Without this choice I wouldn’t empathize as much/wouldn’t care about my character, but I think this choice works well to combat that. I do agree that maybe some images or small graphics would make sense with this project.

  7. Sarah Kim

    I enjoyed how descriptive it was near the beginning and as it went on, enemies are described as just another soldier, someone’s brother, father, or son. The focus of the character is clear in the beginning and slowly fades away as you go, thinking only about how tired and worn out the soldier is and I think that was a successful strategy.

  8. Charlie

    I liked that you kept the default stylesheet because it doesn’t distract me from the story, which was very well thought out. That being said, I wished you had shown less mercy to the player as he/she dodge, strike, and block their way through the battle. I felt very little consequence in my choices because I knew that what ever I do, I will continue to progress.

  9. anathani

    I wish you did switch from the default style sheet as this story could have definitely benefitted from a different visual (even if it were just as simple as changing the font). You put a lot of thought into the story, and the writing was beautiful and very descriptive without being gaudy. Reincarnation is an interesting choice, but seems fitting in this case.

  10. ggsimmon

    I think the story was well-written and really accurate to mental anguish. As the warrior it is harder and harder to keep fighting as the game goes on, which I think is the entire purpose. I also like that it really questions the idea of a one-track mind, and how weak mentality can be, even when the intent/motivation is noble and brave. My only wish is that the style of the Twine was more personalized. I think anything of visual interest would have really enhanced the experience.

  11. ldenegre

    Graphics def could have been worked on, but the game was overall engaging. At first I was worried it was your run of the mill choose your own adventure warrior text game, but was pleasantly surprised the set up leads you in pretty well. Perhaps more background info for the story could be given. I find it interesting that as the game goes on eventually you are forced to realize that this is a pointless battle, and there are no choices to continue playing as someone who believes in whatever “cause” they chose, even if it was just endlessly looping reincarnation.

  12. akapusci

    A short and very successful piece that is inexhaustible in dragging you through a transition from a proclamation of the values you fight for, to their absolute rejection as soon as you realize they mean nothing. Really enjoyed the succinct style, that only reinforced the weight of the character’s inner conversion. I wouldn’t add anything more or less.

  13. Paolo Pedercini

    Great use of language and really interesting take on a fantasy game trope, although it easily applies to the endless epic fight scenes in Hollywood movies as well. I like how you present the death space as a kind of nap room. Could benefit from some light visual theming.
    The choice of killing your own healers to get eternal rest is brilliant, but I would leave the choice of continuing in an endless cycle to the player. Right now the character sort takes that decision autonomously, I think it conflicts with the direct control over the avatar you offer until that point.

    There seems to be a discontinuity toward the end.
    You stand over the two corpses. The salvation of one, and the doom of the other.
    turn away
    Takes you to the end scene but it’s not clear how I get there.