13 comments

  1. Toby Donoghue

    At one point I found myself stuck in a loop where I would reach a point in the story and then it would loop back to a previous passage, except there wasn’t more than one way to continue forward so it was this never ending loop that didn;t ever come to a conclusion. I’m sure it was probably an error in passage linkage or something but i found it frustrating that I wasn’t able to continue the game, especially since there was no back button to get myself out. Otherwise i found the storyline cute but a bit scattered

  2. hepstein

    ohmygod what the hell was that?
    That was crazy.
    Like a crazy drop of water telling a crazy pointless story that I didn’t care about. I tried to imagine it being for kids, because of the aesthetic, but I think even they would be like, “whaaa?”

  3. Shannon

    I think this was really cute and you did a great job with the formatting. The text and background worked really well together but I’m not really sure what the purpose of the story was.

  4. rlawanta

    The payoff at the end was satisfying to me. However, sometimes i found myself getting impatient and wanting to get to the payoff faster than the pace of the story. The text and the background worked well with me, however i think i would rather see illustrations in the style of the droplet at the end of the story.

  5. Sarah Kim

    I thought it was great how you made a character out of a water molecule. The hints that you were dropping and the stories about the adventures sounded so pure and innocent. There were moments where I clicked the same period and it took me to a same place that I have already been so maybe create a different button so that it doesn’t get confusing for the players.

  6. Charlie

    It could have been me, but I didn’t get that I was reading about water until near the very end. While the payoff was good in the end, I found the story a little hard to follow at times.

  7. Brandon

    Agree with the comments above. It took reading the comments to figure out that the story was told from the point of view of a droplet of water, and not a sea star, or a small insect. There are also minor grammatical errors throughout.

  8. smsyjuco

    I’m not exactly sure what I was supposed to get out of it. You output a lot of content, and I think you should be commended for that. Perhaps it was hard to digest the story because there were huge blocks of text on every page, and the story wasn’t engaging enough to tempt me to read all of it – maybe paring it down into shorter snippets could increase audience retention?

  9. anathani

    So I got pretty immediately that this was about water, but I reached a dead end at a point “Anyway, let’s forgot about that and I can tell you about something new.” and no way out so I think you should go back and fix it. I wish there was a little more of a story here. The user interface was indicative of water but it kind of felt like a childrens story book? I think this twine needs a little more work but you’re on a good track.

  10. ggsimmon

    I really enjoyed the layout of this story with the calm blue background for your water theme. I also admire how many different branching stories you were able to provide, but I wish maybe it followed one unexpected path with a lot of divergences, rather than just telling you the memories of the water droplet. I think maybe adding more humor would have been good – for instance talking about when water is stuck in some stagnant pool, or shot out violently from a sprinkler, or just passing through a human body. I think if we actually felt that we followed the water droplet everywhere, rather than just having it be about disjointed experiences, the story would be more engaging.

  11. ldenegre

    I really had no idea what this story was about until I read the comments. I was very lost for most of it but the non-sequitur narrative was engaging in its own way just because I was so confused. The formatting is nice but I would love to see the clip art replaced with your own drawings. There was also a point where I got stuck in a loop and kept getting swallowed by a golden retriever – so maybe a few link problems need to be resolved.

  12. akapusci

    I agree with the comments above. Caught onto the fact that it’s water fairly quickly due to a successful layout, consistent narrative and wistful font. The story seems to have quite a few options (?), but since you tackle a somewhat individualized entity within a large body of similar entities it’s really hard to recognize if it has any aim at all (in other words, the direction of the piece is unclear and vague). Usually, you end up getting stuck in a loop.

  13. Paolo Pedercini

    I like the whimsy style but it’s completely linear until you get stuck in a short loop at the end. When there are choices it’s not clear what they really mean before you click. Like, the whole point of the exercise was to try to tell a story non linearly and think about the reader/player role in it.