14 comments

  1. anathani

    I really enjoyed the direction your story was taking! I thought the concept was enjoyable and I was definitely invested in it. Unfortunately I came to the end which was just an un-edited passage. You should finish the project because I think by the end of it, it will be successful.

  2. ldenegre

    Well written, descriptive, and funny! The use of the type of paper to define the origin of the plane was clever. However some of the story lines/choices get a bit muddled, especially the planned parenthood one.
    There are also no real ends to any of the plotlines, they all go to a “double click to edit” page.

  3. ggsimmon

    I like that you include the option to restart – that makes going back to the beginning and choosing a new story path easy. I enjoyed the narrative and all of the descriptive details – the story is creative and interesting to read. I think having the player be this inanimate object (a piece of paper) but imbued with a mission/creator is an intelligent way to breed storytelling with options – it’s a good balance of “game” and “story” without weighing too heavy in one direction. My only complaint would be maybe to choose a style of font that’s a little bigger. Sometimes I found it hard to read because most of the page would be one long line in really small font.

  4. Paolo Pedercini

    I landed on several empty passages after clicking “You are unstoppable!” “A little girl and her mother sit across from you, ” etc.
    I still like the premise but in retrospect telling the story with so many different starting points and so many possible recipients was probably overscoping (“scope” is the intended scale and detail of a game or interactive project).

  5. mreyes

    The idea of a piece of paper having access into intimate parts of people’s lives is interesting and the imagery of the paper airplane was engaging. Especially the parts repeated line “And with the final fold…”.
    I also really enjoy how you were able to combine more serious story tone of the “unfilled Planned Parenthood health form” and the more light hearted humorous “loose leaf from a 9th grader’s Biology binder”. Having them be a little contrasting made it engaging to play multiple times.

  6. Brandon

    I very much agree with the above comments. Though your story lacks any formal closure, it’s interesting to catch glimpses of the very sensitive, “behind-closed-curtains” events you’ve described through something as playful and ubiquitous as a paper plane.

  7. akapusci

    The intentionality of the paper airplane is a beautiful notion, that you’ve used to its full extent in this piece. The structure of your twine allows for easy replayability, which I’m very glad for since you want to discover all the options. Not entirely sure if saves were necessary, in that case. Most of these storylines don’t reach closure, but it’s a natural conclusion since that’s where the airplane’s mission ends.

  8. smsyjuco

    The organization of all the different pieces of the story was really well done. You kept the player completely engaged the entire time, and made them curious to read other branches of the story. Fantastic writing and pacing. Lack of conclusion though, always ending up on the “click to edit”. I’m guessing you didn’t have enough time to finish? Hoping that you do finish it, would like to read more.

  9. Toby Donoghue

    this was a super ambitious project as your story scope was super big and I don’t know how you would have had enough time to finish considering how many branching off points there were. I think focusing the narrative and making it smaller would do you some good (mental health, completion of project, etc.) what you did have completed though i thoroughly enjoyed! i loved the sense of your voice in the narration, probably because i know you well and could read it in your voice, but it was personable in language. i also appreciate the backstory in the creation of the paper airplanes. that was a really nice touch that elevated this piece and almost made each paper plane personified with a different mission.

  10. kgonzale

    I loved the anticlimactic endings to the scenarios. i especially liked the 15 year old boy getting the paper airplane stuck in the ceiling. Your writing style was also really enjoyable to read and you used such appropriate langue to define the settings and the situations. overall it was fun and interesting to read and replay over and over and was successfully executed.

  11. Shannon

    Love this idea. I agree with others, can’t wait to see the finished piece. I like the different paths the paper airplanes could take and the different origin story parts. Reminds me of Harry Smith’s paper airplanes. Check that out!!

  12. rlawanta

    I love the details you included in the story. It adds an element of tangibility to the story that makes it much more engaging. I really want to see the other endings that arent done yet though.

  13. Annie

    I really liked the redesigned “return” function. Now instead of simply returing to the previous page you would actually return to the places where you saved. It’s very user friendly and make the players feel that they are in control of the game.

  14. Charlie

    I can’t wait to see this project completed! I found it very humorous and lighthearted, something that everyone can relate to. The user interface with the restart button is also a nice touch.