7 comments

  1. Taisha Vargas

    I love the content of this Twine! The characters were very well developed and if you chose correctly you were able to ‘meet’ all of them. I also do like the background, it captured how I would think of a dream like this can be. I would suggest trying to style the content of the page to on one screen because on the first time around, I forgot to scroll down. Why were all the words capitalized?

  2. aeedward

    The format of the text was really effective in establishing a dream-like state of fragmented thoughts. It complimented the story within the game well and felt organic. I liked the ending you went with after allowing the player to reflect on the various characters in the game.

  3. Michael Quinn

    I like how the structure subtly changes to a new form when the moment of greatest character change comes. Exploring the story really successfully feels like a metaphor of exploring the drug induced stupor.

  4. Paolo Pedercini

    There’s is still that weird bottleneck at the beginning (boy/girl alive etc) full of dead ends and false choices that may really discourage readers.
    I don’t see much expressive value in it, the real core of the “story” happens later.

    Technical CSS note: if your page scrolls for that kind of image you want to prevent repetition and set a fixed background.
    You just have to add

    background-attachment: fixed;

    Where the background image is.

  5. Chris

    I think the allure of this piece is cut short by the visual structure. What I mean is, the dream loops, personal voice, and psychadelia are overpowered by the disorganized structure, which does not make me want to read or click forward.